If you’re of South Asian heritage, it is totally understandable if today’s writing prompt fills you with an equal amount of rage, frustration, and dread. I understand, its okaaayyy, *pats your arm awkwardly because physical contact is not my forte.*
I thought I’d lighten things up with my response to the prompt with…*drum roll please*
The Five Types of Asian Mother In Laws.
1. The Star Plus Mother in Law
Yep, you can already anticipate what I’m going to write. This mother in law’s daily routine involves watching everyyyyyyy single Indian serial from approximately 7pm to some ungodly hour of the night. Hey, I’m not judging – those serials can be pretty damn addictive with their doosh-doosh sound effects and dum-dum close ups. The problem is though, watching these amazing works of art 24-7 has schooled this mother in law into a finer actor than Amitabh himself. Everything is dramatic, ‘Haye Rabba mera depression…’ and there’s always some gossiping or taunting on the day’s agenda.
How to deal with it: Watch the dramay shramay with her. Seriously, not only will you make her happy but you’ll be one step ahead of her. Should she ever go batshit crazy and wish to replicate evil plots from last night’s serial, you can counteract them strategically. You can thank me later.
2. The Kabhi Khushi Khabi Gham Mother in Law
She’s lovely. No really, she is! She wouldn’t hurt a fly but in her case, this isn’t a good thing. She cannae stand up to her, psychotic, misogynistic and/or sometimes abusive husband. You will find her crying. A lot. Any self-worth or self-esteem she had before marriage, pooft, gone.
While she dotes on her kids and even her children in law, just know anything she confides in you will forever be a secret between you. Don’t expect any votes in the public audience of The Judge aka Her Husband.
How to deal with it: First off, don’t expect any overnight miracles. Work in stealth to build her voice and confidence from scratch and remember, she needs love. Lots of it. There’ll come a day when all your social work pays off and you’ll be super proud. Refer to Kajol for visual illustration:
3. The Grinch Mother in Law
This one embraces misery like Asians consume tea. Building a positive relationship with her can feel like you’re swallowing a beaker full of acid. If she’s constantly wearing a frown, looking angry, or snapping at you, just know that the problem is you. Just kidding (or am I?). But no, the problem isn’t you… perhaps she has had or still has a hard life, perhaps she’s just crap at communicating her emotions and has zero people skills. It’s okay. Take deep breaths.
How to deal with it: While everything on the surface is like the North Pole, there is a mother’s heart in there somewhere so just keep this in mind when dealing with her. As harsh as it may sound, with this kind of mother in law, it may be best to simply move away and allow her her space. Visit her occasionally and keep things cordial. Not only will you live peacefully, you’ll be away from the cloud of negativity raining down on you whenever she’s around.
4. The Jadu Gharni aka The Mystic Meg Mother in Law
Out of all of the different types of mother in laws, this one is by far the worst and my heart bleeds for you if this is what you’re stuck with. For this mother, no woman will ever be good enough for her sons. If she could have it her way, she’d have married them herself but that’s haram so she’ll try the next best thing instead. Black magic. Coincidently, that’s also haram but somehow she’s down with that. Don’t be surprised if you discover weird voodoo crap hidden amongst your belongings, and if your very, very, very personal things begin to go missing, be worried. Be very worried.
How to deal with it: Read Ayat ul Kursi like there’s no tomorrow and just run, swim, fly. away…do what you gotta’ do!
5. The Second Mum Mother in Law
You lucky sod you! This one’s the rarest of all. She is the Miss Honey of mother in laws. Her love, care, and attention for you probably puts your real mother to shame and don’t be surprised if your husband gets jealous of his mother’s love for you. Just know that as an Asian daughter in law you have bagged a good ‘un here and the rest of the Asian daughter in laws in the world hate you for it.
How to deal with it: Enjoy it!
Disclaimer: all information in this article is intended purely as humor. Do not take it to heart. Do not read more into this than what is intended and please do not show it to your mother in law because I want to live a long life. Thank you!
P.s Leave your thoughts in the comments below.