Me, Me, Me

100 blog posts, turning 30, and other unnecessary anniversaries

May is the month of ever-growing anniversaries so I don’t know where to start. I’m turning 30 and writing my 100th blog post although, not gonna lie, some days it feels like I’m 100 and writing my third post. #authorgoals

My favourite teacher-phrase this year has been: “And this is the reason I am going to lose my mind before I reach 30.”
To which a student responded: “Wallahi Miss, you have 7 years yet don’t worry.”

I suppose I shouldn’t complain. After all, it’s better than turning up to a lesson and being mistaken for a sixth former (true story), or a colleague stopping me in the corridor to see my hall pass (also true), or being told off by a dinner lady for jumping the queue (I could go on and on).

Teens are so dramatic. They go from: “What miss, you’re a Mrs? Does that mean you’re married? *asks a friend which one means you’re married, Mrs or Miss, gets no reply ’cause friend is just as clueless*“….to “OMG you have a husband? Do you have kids?” and finally the best one-line slap in the face: ‘You’re old enough to be my mum.’

Image result for sarcastic clap meme
Baistee complete.

I was going to do a ’30 facts about me now that I’m 30′ post but frickin’ hell, I could only come up with this many and some of them are not even about me! So, enjooooyyyy
this week’s late but to compensate, very long blog post.

I’m a May baby which makes me a Taurus. I don’t believe in horoscopes but upon deeper and forced inspection at the hands of the above-mentioned students, I’ve found all of it is pretty much spot on.

True to my star sign, I have become a bit of a raging bull on the roads. Even the husband is frightened when I’m behind the wheel but I feel like if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em!

I don’t know if it’s the Doha heat, the end of the academic year, or the effect of Ramadan but all I want to do lately is sleep. Isn’t that a symptom of an altogether different age…?

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This May marks 13 years of me wearing a hijab. In the beginning, it was obviously a work in process but recently (after working in an all-girls school and not wearing it)ย I am hardcore struggling to keep it on.

Okay, getting grim now. I lost our first child in early pregnancy and it’s taken this long to be able to say that without it killing me. He or she would have 3 years old this May. Allahu alim. Maybe I’ll write about it properly one day.

It’s also our wedding anniversary this month. We don’t celebrate anniversaries because we have far too many and it’s a pain keeping track of them. In November we’ll have been married for 5 years in sha Allah (nikah anniversary – see? It’s confusing!)


With each passing year, I’m beginning to understand what Elif Shafak means when she talks about being a nomad with no fixed home. For years, I have battled with this inexplicable void, feeling like I don’t belong anywhere and fighting against it. Now that I understand, honestly, it is liberating.

Out of the 3 countries I’ve lived in, Kashmir is the image of my soul and Qatar has my heart. And while I am thankful for the opportunities I had in the UK (I wouldn’t be where I am without it) the 26 years I lived there were harrowing.

This year, Hubby and I took up tennis. If you follow me on snap chat you’ll know how the last match went down. See, I love having a friendly ‘just for a laugh’ match but when the other person is uber competitive AND a cheat AND a sore loser then that really brings out the Monica in me (minus the wacky hair, of course).

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12 years ago, the first blogger I regularly followed is a Canadian(?) guy called Hamzah Moin. He used to write satirical pieces, with his own illustrations and made a few Youtube videos too. A lot of his original content is no longer there but he’s still active: Maniac Muslim

I used to be an amazing dancer (haram, I know) when I was in high school (I still am but haram y3ni). I won 1st prize in a dance competition in Year 9 which was hilarious because a) I never even wanted to participate b) I was forced by the teacher and c) the look on the mean girls’ faces when they didn’t win was priceless.

I’ve recently discovered Pakistani Youtubers and am currently binge-watching Sana’s Bucket; it was this video about the Pakistan Aurat March that really made me a fan.

I go through phases where I’m super clumsy: in my first year of teaching, I was persistently covered in 15-20 bruises along my legs because I kept walking into the corners of tables.

I taught myself how to sew when I was 7 years old. Whenever my mum would pop out, I’d sneak onto her sewing machine to make dresses for my dolls.

As a little girl, I always thought there are 2 dishes I’m neveeeeer going to be able to make – samosas (from scratch) and mutton pilao. This Ramadan I realised that not only can I cook both but I’ve reached a stage in my cooking where I can do it all magically. You know, that dumb-ass instruction desi moms give you when teaching you to cook “Just use andaaza,” (just guess). Well, I got that andaaza swag now.

This year, I rode a bike for the first time in nearly 20 years and I felt so happppyyyy!

Call it karma but whenever hubby makes fun of me, he instantly gets it back in his face. So he said, ‘I laugh you fall off the bike’ and 20 minutes later there he was, face down and bottom up in a hedge.

The first attempt I ever made at writing a short story was at the age of 10. I managed to get halfway into chapter 1 of a novel (lolol) titled ‘The dynasty of horror.’ It was basically a rip off of this movie:

I loved this movie ^ because Fairuza Balk looked exactly like Miss Smith – my Year 5 and 6 teacher. I wanted to be exactly like her until I had a midlife crisis at 15 and it dawned on me I don’t have the patience for primary school children.

This movie also reminds me of sitting around a oujia board with my cousins. We were such good pretenders because we’d all freak out when the pebble thing moved but of course, it was one of us all along!

I joke about looking younger than my age but for the whole of my childhood, I was always the tallest student in my year and could easily pass as about 5 years older than my real age. Considering I’ve never smoked, drank, or done anything else illegal…the only time my height ever benefitted me was at theme parks.

I did my first Umrah at the age of 9, but before this, I always thought the Ka’abah had a pool of water on the roof because of these hanging rugs that existed in every brown household:

Image result for kaaba old fashioned fabric hanging

My first Umrah will always be my best experience of it because the cities and mosques were nowhere near as crowded as they are these days.

If there’s anything I miss about my childhood it is watching the good ol’ 90’s TV shows like Sabrina, Art Attack and The Worst Witch which was responsible for many a-broken-broom-sticks.

I don’t miss anything else about my past, especially not the time spent in my parents’ house. I feel like I’ve lived a whole lifetime in the past 5 years of being a married woman. I am so done with my 20s and so ready for the next chapter in my life. Alhamdullilah.

Now, as if my list wasn’t exhaustive enough, have you read the 30 things turning 30 in 2019?

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35 thoughts on “100 blog posts, turning 30, and other unnecessary anniversaries”

  1. Zoyaaa omg this soooo killed me, I laughed my butt off several times! You’re hilarious, and I thoroughly enjoy your writing style and Happy Birthday, welcome to the other side ๐Ÿ˜€ I’m 31!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. ๐Ÿ˜‚ Haha! Sometimes I think I’m the only person who laughs at my posts but I’m glad to know there’s at least one other person who gets my sense of humour lol! Thank you for your lovely comment, so far 30 feels great ๐Ÿ˜Š xx

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Zoya, I’m sorry. I meant to say Happy 30th Birthday Zoya. Very poor manners indeed! Happy 30th Birthday Zoya, I hope your day is memorable and that life is kind to you.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. First thing, CONGRATZ and HBD! โค โค
    What other Pakistani YouTubers are you watching? I started discovering pakistani youTubers last summer.
    Sigh, wish I had the andaza swag as you. Because I can't even put one table spoon salt without the spoon, because I feel scared I will mess up. LOl. ๐Ÿ˜›

    "The dynasty of horror" that is such a GREAT title any 10 year old can come up with.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank yooooouu!! โค Well I came across Pakistani youtubers after this whole Sham-Idrees crazy-ness that has taken over YT. Are there any good Pakistani youtubers you'd recommend? I feel like I'm still making my way through them and seeing which ones I like and don't like. But Sana is awesome I really love her sense of humour. Ah the andaza comes with time and also I found having my own kitchen helps because it feels like routine. If I'm in anyone else's home then I use the spoons like my life depends on it lol!!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Ohhhh ohkay, Haha that’s like a big drama. You know I watch like variety of things. So I feel like you would know these like Karachi Vynz, Bekaar films, the idiots? There is also Junaid Akram, Conversations with Kawal, Irfan Junejo.
        It’s weird cuz I watch a variety of things on YT depending on my mood.
        If you wanna see some girly stuff there is Anushae Khan, Khadeja…I watch them rarely. XD

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Thank you for the recommendations I’ve heard of a few but not had chance to watch all, I’m going to check them out. And OMG that kid ‘peeche toh dekho vo kya hai…mugree nahi mugree’ hahaaha he’s flippin hilarious and so cute ma sha Allah! I must have watched that video 100 times. ๐Ÿ˜‚

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Happy birthday Zoya! Funnily enough, reading this gave me a sense of the light at the end of the tunnel. All I can say is – I cant wait to meet you, iA! ๐Ÿ™Š (ajeeb pagal? no? maybe?:p) May Allah swt give you something soo much greater than what you lost. ๐ŸŒน & Sabrina was my fave!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Naureen โค Hahaha not ajeeb at all, I pray the blockade ends because I’d love nothing more than to meet you too! Ameen, jzk for the duas… and ikr Sabrina rocked. The new netflix version is a bit too sinister and ‘haraam’ for my liking ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ xx


  4. So much to comment on I don’t even know where to begin! First of all, mubarak for all the many things you may or should be celebrating! You are so accomplished, yaar, and only 30 years of age, too! I’m really sad to read about your miscarriage. I hope you had the support you need(ed) in your life to grieve and cope. I can’t imagine how that must feel. But on a positive note: you watched ART ATTACK too! Of course, you did! You lived in the UK. I loved that show and now that theme song is playing in my head. Why was the UK harrowing though? I can’t say I’ve found a place where I belong, but that’s because I am super emo. LOL

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Awww thank you for such a sweet comment. I really don’t feel like I’ve accomplished anything, hopefully that’ll change on the other side of 30 lol. UK was harrowing because of lots of reasons that were out of my control and just growing up in a super intrusive, close-knit, desi community is enough to suffocate a girl. Art Attack was awesome, I always wondered though if anyone actually made some of things he used to show๐Ÿ˜‚ Not like I had any of the equipment lying about in my house lol.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. That makes sense. I do appreciate my freedom after marriage, even though I’m only in Indiana! LOL. We have corn? I never made any of the things he did. I just used to watch it. I did a lot of watching and eating as a kid and not much else.

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Glad you enjoyed reading! Yep my mum was an awesome tailor/seamstress so I’ve grown up watching her, I’d take all the scrap material she didn’t need to make miniature dresses for my dolls. I leant to stitch by hand in school in Year 2! But I found it sooo sloowww and such a long process compared to the sewing machine which I wasn’t supposed to be using๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚. Obviously after that I’ve had to learn how to cut and sew actual wearable adult sized clothes lol! xx

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yep exactly, I find it makes me want to push the boundaries a little and experiment. The only thing I dislike about sewing is when my eyes start hurting from the concentration! Obviously going blind in my old age and all that good stuff ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜‚ xx

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Yep. And when you’re nearly done but something goes wrong with the machine, uff that’s so infuriating – the thread keeps coming out of the needle or the bobbin thread has finished and you’re just like AHHHHHH the finish line was so close. ๐Ÿ˜ฅ


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